“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”
- Paulo Coelho -
On an unusually warm evening a few weeks ago, I had dinner with a cherished friend at a very busy restaurant in the heart of London. I had recently gotten back from another round of the climate change negotiations and provided my friend with an update. After I finished sharing, she asked me if, given the slow progress of “the process” and the widening gap between what is needed and what is being done to address climate change, I was ever inclined to give it all up.
She wondered if I was ever tempted to find another way of making change to the world. Something that was easier. Less fraught with political tension. I told her that, yes, I had been thinking about that a lot lately. I have often contemplated other things I could do with my life. I have in many moments dreamed of an easier path I could travel. A less steep journey with fewer obstacles. Surely, I often think to myself, there are other ways to change the world. Perhaps even much more effective ways.
In fact, that’s why I’m taking a coaching course on women’s empowerment at the moment. Because I believe that empowering more women is a gateway to creating the kind of world we want to live in. I believe that we need more heart-centered leadership in our work and in our world. And I believe that the more of us are in touch with the power of living fully in our bodies, the faster the world we want will become a reality. I told my friend I had been having those very conversations with myself more frequently in the aftermath of the disastrous outcome of COP 29.
However, as I walked back to where I was staying that warm summer evening, enjoying the sights and sounds of a city I once called home, I realized that what I had told my friend was not true. Not entirely at least.
Because while I do believe that we need more heart centered leadership that enables us to live more fully in and tap into the wisdom of our bodies, I am already doing all of that in my day job in my own way. And the truth is I found my Why, my purpose, a long time ago. And it’s guided me ever since.
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.”
- Maya Angelou -
It all happened during a very difficult time in my life. As people across the globe were celebrating the Paris Agreement, calling it the signal of a new era of climate action, I, along with many, many others, was grieving.
While the media was filled with photos of important people, their hands clasped tightly, raised in the air, celebrating this “momentous achievement”, I was sobbing. Because like many, I knew the truth. It wasn’t enough. And it wouldn’t be. Until we fixed the root cause of the problem. And that was going to require a new era of leadership. A new type of leader.
The Paris Agreement was born into the same world that its parent treaty, the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC), had already existed in for 23 years. The power dynamics were the same. The Paris Agreement itself was much, much weaker than the UNFCCC on many fronts. How did we ever expect it to do more?
Now, ten years later, its cracks are apparent. We are still discussing how it will deliver on its promise. A third round of nationally determined contributions. The last chance to keep 1.5℃ alive. More meetings. More roundtables. More dialogues.
That’s where we are now. But my story begins a decade ago when we had more time to turn things around . . .
It was 2015. The year the Paris Agreement was born was a very intense one. I was only a few years into my career in climate policy. And still proving myself. I felt a scathing, almost constant sense of unworthiness. I was plagued by imposter syndrome and the feeling that I didn’t belong.
It was a very hectic year. I was doing many things. Wearing many hats. One of those hats was supporting the African Group of Negotiators (AGN) on adaptation and Loss and Damage.
There were so many meetings that year. So much work to be done. We all worked tirelessly to get as much as possible for Africans and those on the frontlines of climate change in other developing countries, under the umbrella of the Group of 77 and China.
"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray."
- Rumi -
But again, the power dynamics were always there. The system that had brought us to this moment. The culmination of decades of inaction in high income, so-called “developed” countries responsible for climate change. Their failure to live up to their obligations to provide support (finance, technology and capacity) to enable action to address the impacts of climate change in lower income countries least responsible.
The overarching objective of the UNFCCC was not achieved more than two decades after it was established. So, the countries of the world decided they needed another treaty. Somehow that new treaty was going to fix the problem.
Yet, colonial continuity was shining bright. Political leaders in wealthy countries in the so-called Global North were focused inward. Unable to see the big picture. Refusing to acknowledge that ambitious action and the provision of support to enable so-called developing countries to address climate change was good for their citizens too.
What was needed was a fundamental, widescale transformation. But political leaders in the world’s wealthiest countries, those bearing the most historical responsibility for climate change, couldn’t risk that in a world where election cycles preside over swings from right to left and back again.
So much went on behind the scenes before we even got to Paris. Texts ballooned and then got whittled down. Papers were developed to articulate views. Mandates were given and positions were developed. Once in Paris, the pace of work accelerated even more. I probably slept an average of three hours a night. And I felt lucky to get that rest. I was lucky compared to many.
After years of fighting for ambition, of calling for those countries most responsible for climate change to fulfil their obligations, to say the outcome was a letdown is a monumental understatement. For those of us working on Loss and Damage, the sadness was even more profound because of how that separate article came to be.
It was not a celebration for most of the folks who had worked so hard to see climate justice realized. As I sat in the closing plenary watching others around me celebrate, I had tears rolling down my face. I felt the sadness start to creep into my bones. As I listened to speech after speech under the bright lights of the plenary, I began to reflect on all that I’d given up over the past two years. All the things I’d missed because I was working towards this moment. Hoping for so much more.
“We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be.”
– Anne Lamott –
Days after that closing plenary, I headed to Canada to spend Christmas with my family. When I got there, I collapsed. My family was disappointed. They hadn’t seen me in so long. There are few things I love more than playing in the snow and being surrounded by people I love. But I felt listless. I was grieving for the future and that felt heavy. Both mentally and physically. My body felt like it was made of the heaviest steel. I could barely make my limbs move.
And I was not alone in my mourning. One colleague told me later that when she got home from Paris she couldn’t speak to her family for days. Every time she tried to do so, the only thing that came out of her mouth were guttural sobs. The sadness was so profound. It felt easier to stay quiet and grieve alone.
Back in London after the holidays, things started to get worse for me. However, I had little time to focus on my wellbeing. Just a few weeks into the new year the meetings started up again to discuss how to take the Paris Agreement forward. So, I pulled myself together the best I could and off I went. But my mental health was starting to spiral.
I remember so clearly one afternoon in Cape Town in January of 2016. I went for a walk after the meeting I was at had concluded for the day to get some air. And then, suddenlyI felt like I couldn’t breathe. I leaned on the wall beside me and bent over to get some relief. But the relief didn’t come. So I called a close friend in London. “I don’t know how I can keep doing this”, I told her. She said she thought I might be depressed and suggested I find a therapist.
When I got back to London a week later, I had consultations with a few therapists. But they wanted to see me in person. And I was still away more than I was at home. I couldn’t commit to anything “in-person” at that time in my life. My whole livelihood was following the UN climate process and that required significant travel (and still does for most).
So, I kept on keeping on. Putting one foot in front of the other. I had a coach and that helped. I’d long been a personal development junkie and I kept going to workshops and retreats when I could. Reading books and listening to podcasts. But it was from the perspective of trying to fix myself. To be fair though, I really did feel broken.
“Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert –
The same friend who’d suggested therapy urged me to stay home more. “You don’t have to go,” she said. But I had this strong sense that I did have to go. Looking back I had a compulsion to overwork. But I also felt I had to go because I often said things that others wouldn’t. Things that needed to be said. I felt – and still do - that I had an obligation as a white person from a high-income country, one with significant historical responsibility for climate change, to use the platform my privilege afforded me to shine a light on issues that others wanted to keep hidden in the dark.
I remember vividly one meeting in Accra at a workshop on adaptation. A panel of white, European men – I kid you not – speaking to an audience of mostly Africans about building resilience in Africa. Yes, that really happened and it wasn’t last century but less than a decade ago. I sat there dumbfounded, looking around me, eyes wide, silently asking others, “Is this really happening?”
When it came time for questions, I was amongst the first to raise my hand. I called attention to what should have been obvious: That the panel was full of white men from outside Africa, a continent full – and I do mean full – of expertise on adaptation. I said something marginally more diplomatic than, “Stay in your lane, sirs.”
Be.
Serious.
While I spoke with conviction, I was shaking with anxiety. I was wearing the hat of an organization that hadn’t given me a mandate to be controversial (though the very fact that it’s considered controversial to call out colonial continuity is itself a kind of madness). Afterwards, at least seven or eight people came up to me to thank me for calling out the obvious.
In that way 2016 rolled on. I kept on keeping on. It was largely business as usual. Not healthy but normal. That said, as I continued to struggle, I became an even more voracious consumer of personal development content if that was possible. And evidently it was.
Every time I was back in London my itinerary would be packed with lectures, retreats and workshops. That year I saw Deepak Chopra, Danielle Laporte and Marianne Williamson – among many others - speak live and went to my first Joe Dispenza workshop. My meditation practice evolved and I went to a few retreats. That all helped. But I was still lost.
“If your life is cloudy and you’re far, far off course, you may have to go on faith for a while, but eventually you’ll learn that every time you trust your internal navigation system, you end up closer to your right life.”
– Martha Beck –
Eventually in late 2016 I found a therapist based in the US who would work with me virtually. I felt a sense of relief for the first time in a long time and my mental health started to improve. The tunnel out still felt long but I had a guide and I started to be able to see a flicker of light at the end.
Then came COP 22 in Marrakech in early November. I was still working with the AGN on adaptation and Loss and Damage. Our work in Marrakech was to take forward those elements of the Paris Agreement in a way that served Africa as the Agreement came into force unexpectedly early. Before the negotiations began, I met two young negotiators who were at their first COP: Badra Alou Traore and Maman Zakara.
Both Alou and Mamane took an interest in the adaptation negotiations and I began working with them. Alou was particularly enthusiastic and began shadowing me. He was an eager student and a voracious reader. He began translating discussions during coordination meetings for Francophone colleagues who were less fluent in English. I saw how Alou’s knowledge evolved quickly. The biggest change, however, was in me. I felt useful. I felt inspired. I felt alive.
After Marrakesh I pitched the idea of an initiative that was focused on empowering the next generation of climate leaders to a few colleagues. They agreed it was a good idea and the concept for the Climate Leadership Initiative (CLI) was born. It took some time to get off the ground though. Because while everyone I spoke to believed it was a good idea, we had difficulty getting funding as the Initiative wasn’t a legal entity. So, I continued to work with young negotiators in my personal capacity while figuring out what to do next.
Then, at COP 25 in Madrid in late 2019, I met five young negotiators from Least Developed Countries (LDCs) who were all following Loss and Damage:, Adama Sonia Bandé, Justina Áurea Belo, Yared Abera Dame, Ineza Umuhoza Grace and Eva Peace Mukayiranga. These five young climate leaders became the founding members of the New Generation. When the global pandemic prompted our work to go virtual, I began working with this group of young negotiators through the Loss and Damage Collaboration (L&DC) in, which was then also a fledging initiative.
“When a WHY is clear, those who share that belief will be drawn to it."
– Simon Sinek –
In 2021 we launched the first cohort of the New Generation program with funding from Bread for the World and the Heinrich Boell Foundation, Washington DC. This pilot was followed by the second cohort in 2023 with funding from the same funders along with Oxfam Great Britain led by a group of alumni from the first cohort. In 2024 we welcomed a third cohort with funding from our existing partners as well as the Climate Ambition Support Alliance.
We are now in the process of fundraising to welcome our fourth cohort of fellows while continuing to support the first three cohorts. Mentorship underpins our work and the alumni support each other. We hold bi-weekly office hours which alternate between thematic workshops on themes relevant to climate diplomacy and policy and coaching calls to provide space for discussions on wellbeing and mental health as these are essential elements of our work. Something I have a very vivid, lived experience of. We are about to make our office hours public to support more young climate negotiators from the Global Majority.
Empowering young climate leaders has become the cornerstone of everything that I do. Three members of the team under the L&DC, Hyacinthe Niyitegeka, Brenda Mwale and Asara Bullen Panchol are alumni of the New Generation program. The CLI itself is now led by three alumni of the first cohort of the New Generation program, Honorine Isingizwe, Justina Belo and Prakriti Koirala. I do not lead the day-to-day work anymore, though I still support the team driving the work. Recently I’ve begun working with Badra Alou Traore, the young climate leader who inspired CLI, once again as he transitions back into climate policy work. If you’re looking to add a multi-lingual, dynamic person with a growth mindset and a range of expertise to your team, please get in touch with him.
"The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”
— Fyodor Dostoevsky -
It's been an inspiring but also very challenging journey, particularly this year with all the obstacles we’ve encountered to find funding to sustain the work. One of the funding streams that used to enable many of our fellows and alumni to engage in the climate negotiations has now dried up. Oxfam and the Heinrich Böll Foundation, Washington, DC have continued to support us in these challenging times.
As we move towards COP 30, nearly ten years after that fateful Saturday night when the Paris Agreement came to be, I have more hope than I did then because of my work with young climate leaders. Yes, we still need wide-scale transformation. But it’s underway and youth from across the world are very much at the forefront of driving that change we so urgently need to see.
So, now I would like to present you with an opportunity to join us in the work to create the kind of world we want to live in and welcome future generations into. The New Generation is raising funds to ensure that as many young negotiators from the Global Majority can assume their rightful seat at tables across negotiating rooms in Belém. Please help us get them there by donating if you can and sharing the campaign (and this blog if you think it could support someone) far and wide. Thank you in advance for being part of our work to empower a new generation of climate leaders.
“If you feel like there’s something out there that you’re supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.”
– Wanda Sykes -
Finally, before I leave you, I want to stress that my point is absolutely not that, if you’re depressed or if your mental health is suffering in any way, you just need to find your purpose and all will be well. If you take anything from this blog Dear Reader, let it be that if you’re struggling with your mental health, it’s imperative to ask for help, ideally from a mental health professional who has the training and skills to meet you where you are and to support you with what you need to thrive. And I also want to stress that mental health and wellbeing are two of the things that we need to bring more into the light. It’s not a weakness to admit you’re struggling. It’s a strength.
My point is also not that if you find your purpose your life will be all sunshine and rainbows. Challenges will still come. If you’ve read any of my previous musings on the world wide web, you’ll know that I navigate obstacles on a regular basis. That said, having a purpose in my life, knowing that I have made a difference in the lives of 30 young climate leaders, and counting, from the Global Majority, well, it makes my life brighter and richer. I hope you have something that makes your life brighter and richer too. We all deserve that.
Erin Roberts is the founder of the Climate Leadership Initiative. She has the honour of being one of the advisors to the amazing team delivering the New Generation program. She is passionate about doing the inner work to allow herself to evolve as a leader and empowering young climate leaders from the Global South in their own journeys to leadership and wellbeing. She believes that, together, we can create a world in which all humans, all other species and all ecosystems can thrive on a healthy planet.
