“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
-Confucius -
“Do not judge me by my successes. Judge me by how many times I’ve fallen and gotten back up again.”
- Nelson Mandela -
Things fell off the rails this year for many of us. For me, it happened both suddenly and all at once. And unfortunately, our year-long series on the foundations of leadership was one of the first casualties. It feels like the things that nourish me most are often the first to go when life gets challenging - though that’s something I’m working hard to change.
All was rolling along relatively okay until a few months ago. It had been a year of ups and downs to be sure. More ups than downs but it all shook out okay in the end. A couple of grants we were counting on to sustain our work didn’t come to fruition, but others filled the gap. And my personal development work was paying off. I was feeling resilient and much less wobbly than I’d previously felt during particularly challenging times. Then, in August, an unexpected piece of work fell on my plate. One that had repercussions for the rest of my year.
I had planned to take some time off in September. I had been invited to a meeting in Brazil and had decided to take advantage of the opportunity to explore the region, including a ten-day trek in Patagonia. However, that became increasingly unlikely as my plate began to get fuller and fuller. I was definitely not practicing what I preached in the context of work/life balance and prioritising wellbeing. But the piece of work I took on was pinnacle to a package of funding that would support many members of one of the teams I work with.
When this development came about, I briefly considered not going to Brazil. However, I’d already given up so much in the name of work and I really wanted to go to the workshop. So, defiantly, I decided to proceed mostly as planned. Instead of taking time off while in Latin America, I would be a digital nomad and have weekends off to explore. That all sounded great in theory.
My perfectly adapted plan started to go a little sideways when I broke one of my toes in a ridiculous accident the night before my trip. I left for the airport in the middle of the night and didn’t realize the extent of the injury until I got to the airport the next morning and I realised that walking was both painful and painfully slow. Things were in motion so I proceeded as planned but that was a painful day.
When I landed for my first layover of the day in Amsterdam, the gate my flight arrived at and the gate for my next flight were on opposite ends of the airport. I looked on longingly as people with mobility challenges were transported on the back of those electric airport shuttles that look like extended golf carts. But I was too stubborn to ask for help. In retrospect my stubbornness made things so much worse because to this day my toe has yet to heal. After boarding, I sat on the flight for 12 hours with a throbbing toe. I hadn’t thought to pick up any pain reliever at the airport and was too stubborn (are you sensing a theme here?) to ask a flight attendant to spot me some (though to be fair had the pain been intense enough I’m sure I would have).
When I arrived in Saǒ Paulo I found that I didn’t have a seat on my final flight and had to walk to a different terminal in order to try to get onto one of the last flights of the day. That was the last straw. My emotions started to unravel, especially when, despite my pleas, I wasn’t able to get on a flight that night. Instead, I stayed in the airport overnight and got an early flight out the next morning.
The workshop I attended was insightful and full of fascinating people. I was happy to be there. I met some amazing people during my trip to the region and I saw one of my closest friends in her home town. But man did it set me back. The weekends I was meant to be exploring became working weekends so I could make progress on the project I’d taken on. Which, to be honest, didn't feel like the worst thing in the world as I really couldn’t walk much and I needed to ice my toe every few hours to try to reduce the swelling. In the end I did go to Patagonia but hiking was off the table.
My coach, whom I continued to speak with weekly throughout my trip, asked me to contemplate what this whole scenario was teaching me. I answered that it was helping me be with what is and not need it to be different. Though if I’m honest I had some moments of being pretty down about it. But I really tried to dwell as much as I could in a place of not needing things to be different. I ended up seeing the places I visited from the comfort of cars transporting me between meetings with amazing change makers in the region rather than while walking their landscapes. While that wasn’t ideal, I learned to be mostly okay with it.
Once I got back home in early October, I had to put my head down to finish the project I was leading. Luckily I have many amazing colleagues who contributed their insights and the project turned out amazingly well. The funder was very happy with the outcome and it sparked several new possibilities for future collaboration.
And then, before I knew it, the COP was upon us. My toe still hadn’t healed as I prepared to head to Belém. I had been wearing sneakers, which made sense with the casual clothes I wear in my day to day while working at home. I’d need to take things up a notch for the COP but I couldn’t wear the shoes I regularly wear with my formal clothes. So, I got new sneakers a size larger than usual that I could wear with my dresses. And that ended up being a blessing that made walking the length of the venue much easier and more comfortable than it would have been even had I not had a broken toe.
When I got home from Belém, I finally felt like I had room to breathe. We got positive news on the funding front. Once I had a little more space, the ideas started to flow again and the urge to write came back.
But, the truth is I probably could have made time for writing amidst all the chaos. No,scratch that. I definitely should have made time for writing amidst all the chaos. Because writing brings me joy. It makes me feel grounded and inspired. And when I’m doing it regularly, I feel better, lighter, more joyful and everything flows much easier. The truth is, I had learned this lesson a long time ago.
Several years ago I saw a Ted Talk by Shaun Achor, an expert on happiness and its role in helping us achieve our potential as human beings. Then I did a deep dive (as I often do) to learn more. First I read his book Happiness Advantage and then I took a course with him.
One story from the book stuck with me. It’s the story of two undergrad students at Harvard.
In the pressure-filled environment amidst thousands of others trying to stand out at an Ivy League institution, one student cultivated friendship and made time for activities that brought her joy. Another isolated herself and studied alone. The first student spent less time studying, yet ended up thriving, while the second student struggled.
This fall I became more like the second student than the first. Though I talk a big game on wellbeing, I still revert to some very limiting and unhelpful patterns at times. Luckily, circumstances helped pull me back out. I had a lovely time in Belém and had so many nourishing conversations. I came back feeling inspired. But I needn’t have spent months feeling overwhelmed.
Because, the thing is, Dear Reader, life is messy. And if you’re living it fully and boldly it’s even messier. I consider myself someone who’s in the arena. What that means is that I’m trying new things, failing often but getting up more often. And, ultimately, rising.
What I began to realise with all my failures this year, is that leadership is so much simpler than we make it out to be. It’s really about helping each other get up over and over again. Leadership is not extraordinary. It shows up in ordinary moments throughout each day. And those ordinary moments can be extraordinary when we find what nourishes us and never let go.
So, next year I’m going to restart my monthly series on leadership and this time, when I fall, because inevitably I will, I’m going to try to keep writing through the chaos. Because it brings me joy and nourishes my soul. And that makes me better at everything I do. I hope you have all found that thing that nourishes you too. I
I wish you all a lovely rest of this year and a wonderful start to the next one. I hope you have a chance to rest and recharge over the next few weeks, even if you don’t plan to take time off. I wish for all of you many joy filled moments, days filled with connections that nourish you and space to reflect when needed.
Above all, my wish for you is that you learn to love yourself fiercely and unconditionally if you’re not there already. Because, that, Dear Reader, is what lies at the foundation of the leadership we need to create the kind of world we all want to live in: one in which all humans, all other species and all ecosystems are thriving on a healthy planet.
Erin Roberts is the founder of the Climate Leadership Initiative and advises the team driving it, including the New Generation program, empowering young climate negotiators from across the Global South.
